"Because You Loved Me" by
Katherine D. Swanson shealynn88@hotmail.com
When I graduated high school, my class dedicated the Celine Dion
song, "Because You Loved Me," to our parents. It was a very personal
dedication for me. Both my parents, most especially my father, had nurtured me
through the lonely and awkward teenage years. He had shared my joy and
satisfaction with every academic and musical achievement I made, and
enthusiastically supported my awkward forays into the sports world. Even when I
struck out or missed a basket, he made me feel like a winner.
Life after high school took me many miles from home, and I didn’t
see my parents much. Then, five years later, when I got engaged and began to
plan a wedding, they were there for me again, and I remembered the closeness my
dad and I had shared. But a month after the wedding, I was forcefully reminded
that every moment is precious, because you never know what painful turns life
will take.
I received the call late one evening, and heard my father’s
strong voice on the other end. "There’s no easy way to say this," he
told me matter-of-factly. "I have cancer." Stark panic threatened to
overwhelm me, and I struggled to echo his conversational tone. My tears fell
silently as he explained. A large tumor had been found in his esophagus. It
wasn’t operable, but they were going to try chemotherapy and radiation to
shrink it. All any of us could do was hope for the best.
My hands shook as I replaced the receiver, and I struggled with the
pain of being helpless and uncertain. My husband held me silently as sobs shook
my body and the radio played softly in the background. I slowly became aware of
the song that was playing. The song that had always personified my relationship
with my father. My mind raced as I listened to the words. "...I lost my
faith, you gave it back to me, you said no star was out of reach. You stood by
me and I stood tall, I had your love, I had it all. I’m everything I am
because you loved me."
Did he realize how much he meant to me? Would my unborn children
ever know him as I did, experience the depth of love I knew he’d have for
them? Would I be able to be a good mother without his support? I counted on him
for so much! As each fear came to me, the words of the song reminded me how
strong he was, and how strong I was because of him. It was my turn to help and
support. To show my dad that no star was out of reach, to show him how much I
loved him, how special he was.
I did a lot of research to share with him, and my husband and I
visited nearly every weekend to help in any way we could. When all was said and
done, though, it wasn’t our fight, or my sibling’s, or my mother’s. It was
up to my father, and he fought it well. Today he is in remission; it’s been a
little over two months, and I am still amazed at the power of his will to
conquer this invader, to stay with his family and provide us with the most
powerful medicine of all. Love.